20 weeks

You’ve made it to the halfway mark! Congratulations! Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. She’s around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heel.

My little kiddo in 20 weeks and 2 days old… Halfway there!!! And getting pretty big now right? 142 days down, 138 days to go…. By now it’s been mixed feelings.. a part of me felt like I’ve been pregnant forever (although I’ve only recently looked preggy) but another part felt like 4.5 months just practically zoomed by! Soon enough it’s gonna be time to deliver… and although pregnancy comes with its own set of complaints and discomfort and pain, I’m quite sure after kiddo’s out I will definitely miss the feeling of having a baby inside my tummy…

Those little flutters and butterflies in the tummy has been replaced with real big strong kicks, bumps and all. By now I’m pretty sure I’ve felt legs, knees, hands, elbows, maybe even head and butt hehehe. My kiddo is getting stronger, with the movements even visible from outside my tummy. Every day, at least 3 times a day I shall feel kiddo wriggle in there. Kiddo’s favourite time to make the presence felt would be just as I’m about to go to bed. I would spend a few minutes smiling and feeling my tummy while trying hard to fall asleep. Every single movement would make me smile, but just lately they’re good hard enough to make me sometimes grimace!

Daddy has downloaded some classical music pieces as we read that they calm and stimulate baby’s senses. And since kiddo can very well hear by now, why not? I think I’m starting to believe that it does have calming effect on the baby… Coz kiddo will be rocked to sleep almost all the time I’m on the move or on the go and also in the car, perhaps coz of the bumpy ride, but just as I settled down for a lie down with a book or to watch tv, there kiddo starts! And on a few occassions when Daddy put the music on, kiddo seems to settle down and just sway around in Mommy’s tummy….

Last night kiddo gave me the biggest scare of my life. I never thought I could ever be so worried about a person I have never even saw before… I was about to go to sleep after a pee, when I saw blood on my panties. Well, panty liners actually, coz I use them all the time. It wasn’t just a drop or two, it filled up about half of the panty liner, pinkish-red diluted blood. My first reaction was one of surprise, like blurly I thought “Eh I haven’t seen blood there for a while. Period?” Then suddenly it hit me, hard, that I wasn’t supposed to bleed! I showed the liner to Daddy, and his face immediately showed great concern and asked me if I was in any kind of pain. My shocked self couldn’t even think straight, I just stared at the blood, until hubby prompted me to dress to go to the hospital. That was when the panic struck, and I practically sobbed into hubby’s arms… in worry over my kiddo…

Thinking back, kiddo has been unusually active almost the whole afternoon yesterday. And come evening, I was in so much discomfort that I couldn’t sit proper without the feeling of terrible heartburn and pain on my lower ribcage, and that uncomfortable feeling made me puke after having my tea… and it continued through the night, with kiddo being unusually quiet. I didn’t think much on it, partly coz kiddo’s behaviour is still pretty much unpredictable, and with pregnancies, there’s always always new discomfort almost daily and all. But the blood pretty much sets it off, so there hubby sped to the hospital at almost midnight, our faces drowned in worry… and my thoughts so cloudy, but I didn’t cry or even say anything for not wanting to worry hubby..

The GP on shift ordered a CTG and I was rushed to the delivery room where a midwife attached the machine to detect fetal heartbeat to my tummy, alas kiddo is too small for the heartbeat to be detected. The midwife called my gynae, and the gynae told me not to worry as the bleeding has stopped but adviced to return if the bleeding continues or I have cramps and pain… At about the same time, I feel kiddo moving, although not the usual hard kick. The doctor gave me 2 days mc to rest, but unfortunately I can’t take it as I have just started on my new job and have an important meeting to attend… And so we return home, with hubby comforting me the whole way through and my hands not leaving my tummy, secretly whispering to kiddo to not leave Mommy and Daddy, promising kiddo to NEVER EVER complain again of any discomfort, promising to take much better care of my own health so that kiddo will be healthy, take my meds religiously, and to rush straight to a hospital the next time I feel something amiss…. I felt I don’t want to get any closer than that to the feeling of losing kiddo whom I’m so starting to love….

Kiddo, we both love you very very much. Please don’t ever ever do that again to Mommy and Daddy…. We so need to see our little girl alive and well and happy when the time comes….