11 weeks

6th October

I call the growing baby inside my belly, kiddo. I don’t call him/her baby coz that’s what he/she is anyways, and just to make it a bit different. Paranoid me, still *almost* not believing that kiddo is still in me and growing healthily although I already saw his/her heartbeat through the ultrasound last month. What with the news of the cuz’s loss, my paranoia, my NOT sitting still and getting all the rest I would have loved for kiddo, with heart-headed me wanting to fast even though kiddo asks for food by 9 in the a.m….

But 3 days ago, we went for my second check-up with the gynae. Oh I was sooo looking forward to the day, coz I couldn’t wait to see how kiddo grew, and if he/she is fine. And when the time came and I was on that table, the first image that sprang up on the screen made me gasp out loud and smile the whole day throughout. There, in my womb, was kiddo, this time around, complete with head, arms hands and fingers, legs and toes, umbilical cord and all. He/she was only 4.62cms long, but kiddo was healthy and normal, at 11 weeks. And the moment we saw the whole kiddo, he/she actually jumped!!! Amused us he/she did, to be sooo tiny and able to jump, move about the arms and legs, and squirm around. All that, happening right in my belly. Hubster squealed the same moment I did as we both couldn’t believe that this tiny kiddo is actually happily jumping around in my belly. I was a bit disappointed I can’t actually FEEL kiddo moving yet, but my heart was definitely put at ease. Kiddo jumped a few more times, perhaps to ensure us that he/she is fine.. the heart is beating strongly, and kiddo seemed to be happy.

Kiddo was strong enough, and healthy enough. He/she survived the long drive to and back JB, the flights I took to Bali and Penang and back, kiddo made it through the day when I fast. And very very soon, I shall be done with the first trimester, when I can finally be put at rest that kiddo will come out when it’s time and not worry TOO much if kiddo’s okay in there. And I am definitely definitely SURE that I AM PREGNANT!!!! Hahahaha, though the tummy’s growing by the day, I still can’t help but think I might just be fat or something.
Now, I talk to kiddo whenever I’m alone with him/her. I feel soothed whenever I feel the bump on my tummy, I feel connected whenever I speak to kiddo. I can even feel the love that hubster has for little tiny kiddo, how he speaks to kiddo, caresses my tummy, kisses kiddo to sleep every night, puts his hand on kiddo whenever he can. Oh how contented kiddo is making us, his/her to-be parents. How kiddo is making us sooo lovey-dovey, so tolerant towards each other. How kiddo gives us rezeki, even this early on in his/her life.

Seriously, after seeing kiddo healthy and appreciating all this, I don’t care much anymore for the countless visits to the loo to pee and puke, for the constant headaches and migraines, for the sleepless nights, for the discomfort, and for what being preggy has changed my body, the whole of me, all of us. Kiddo, you’re worth it.

I soo can’t wait for kiddo to really be in my arms…